Tomorrow I am 36 weeks along in my pregnancy.
I went to the doctor this past week again and she said that I'm now nearly fully effaced, the baby's head is at a zero station (fully in place) and I'm still dilated 1 cm. I'm taking Terbutaline twice a day and I'm still on modified bed rest. I've been driving the kids to school once or twice a week and I've, for the most part, rested otherwise. My labor/delivery bag is packed. My hospital bag is packed. The baby's bag is packed. Anytime I leave the house to drive the kids to school I make sure I've showered and I'm dressed because I find myself nervous that I'll go into labor while away from home and won't be able to make it back to get "ready" for labor. A girl needs her hair washed and her nails painted - can't we all agree on that?? Funny.
I've spent a month trying not to have this baby and I am still not wanting her to come just yet but at the same time I want to get excited, to nest, to anticipate her arrival with busy-ness and preparations. She continues to be nameless at this point too. We've decided against our first choice, Charlotte (Charly) so we've gone back to the drawing board and I'm just contentedly praying for God's will to be revealed. I think of Psalm 139...I'll copy the entire Psalm another time but wanted to highlight this section:
"All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be."
I know that God has a name chosen especially for her with a labor story all her own in His perfect timing, His perfect will.
That Psalm was a stronghold for me four years ago, nearly to the day, as I was preparing for Jordan's delivery. I was SO full of uncertainty, wondering what she would be like, what life would hold for her and for us as a family. It was a time of sadness mixed with growing joy as I grew in my understanding of God's character...His sovereignty, His love, His grace, His rule over us as people who exist to glorify HIM and not ourselves.
It's such a strange mix of feelings approaching Jordan's birthday while at the same time anticipating the arrival of her sister and yet preparing for another surgery for her at the same time.
Her surgery has been approved and is set for October 1st. She had her pre-op appt today combined with her four year old check up and everything appears to be set for next week. Of course God only knows what the next week will hold but I know that I'm praying to keep this little sister inside until after Jordan's sugery because I couldn't bear to miss it and although she adores her daddy there is nothing like having Mommy there for her surgeries. They've become so routine for me that I just have a system and a way that we do it. I know the scripture that comforts her, I look forward to the chance to point her to the love of Christ during times of need and to see prayer in action as she suffers. I am praying daily that God would allow me to be there. As Noah has grown I've loved the chance for him to be there with us, to be used to encourage and comfort her, to grow in compassion and care but I think he'll go to school that day. Today her doctor asked her who her best friend is and she answered without hesitating, "Noah." I almost asked, "Noah who?" Ha! They aren't always the best of friends but I love that she thought of him first.
Details to pray for:
- That this baby could come after Jordan's surgery - even a week or so after so we have time to get settled.
- That the surgery would go well...no problems or surprises.
- That she wouldn't be in much pain.
- That the practical needs would be met/resolved (eg. do we need a wheelchair or will a stroller work?)
- That we would be content regardless.
- Of course, that the perfect name for this little sister would come to us and that we'd both be equaly excited about it.
I'll update next week with a birthday post full of pictures and a recap of Jordan's little life. Her birthday is September 30th.
Disclaimer...I must put in here that I need you to overlook typos and parts that don't make sense in this post. This medication makes me crazy and I find it so hard to be succinct and coherant. If you can all overlook it so can I. :)