Thursday, September 04, 2008


I only have a few minutes so I'll make it short but I wanted to post on something that I've been thinking so much about lately.
About a month ago Jordan took her first steps and now for about one week she's really been walking and not crawling very much at all. I think we can officially say she's a walker now, one month before she turns two. When she first started walking at therapy I was excited and relieved but for some reason I felt a bit sad too. It was so weird that I didn't even mention it. Yesterday we went to therapy and saw Jordan's little friend Ashley come in (her mom is the one who sold us the amazing jogging stroller at exactly the price I prayed for). Ashley will not walk in this lifetime and even has a hard time holding her head up. There have been many days where we've struggled together getting the girls to motivate each other to move with their devices (Jordan's various bars and walkers and Ashley's special high tech walker that enables her to be upright). When Ashley's mom brought her in yesterday in her stroller and Jordan walked right up to her it hit me. I realized exactly why Jordan's walking was bittersweet for me. I could hardly look Ashley's mom in the eyes I felt so sad and almost guilty that Jordan is walking now and Ashley is not. Her mom was so genuinely excited to see Jordan walking around but I couldn't help but feel bad.
I know that in the past there has been a tiny occasional twinge of sadness as I've watched my friends babies half Jordan's age surpass her so quickly and effortlessly (particularly when we weren't sure if or when development would take place) so I feel like I can understand a fraction of what the moms at therapy feel when child after child takes off walking and they are once again faced with the realization and the reminder that their child's life will be different.
Simply put this all falls under the umbrella of discontentment (if that's a word). God has a different plan for each and every one of us - a perfect plan for His purposes and anytime we look around us and compare it's sinful. God has handpicked each situation for us and has given us every single tool necessary yet we continue to look around and want something different.
From now on as Jordan meets more and more milestones I will thank God for His provision and only look around me in order to find someone else to encourage and to pray for. I will turn my bittersweet moments of Jordan's progress into opportunities to pray more fervently for the parents whose lives will be different and more challenging than my own.


Chiara said...

Just as it is difficult for us to sometimes accept trials from God, it can be difficult to accept blessings when others are suffering in the same area in which we are being blessed. Trusting our sovereign God, however, we know that He has a reason for everything and a different path for each of us. Your post eloquently reminds us to rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep--humbly accepting the good and bad as coming with a purpose from our Heavenly Father!

Adrienne said...

You don't know me and chances are that we won't meet in this life, but after reading your latest blog, I feel compelled to finally speak up that I have been reading your blog since Jordan was a few months old. I work with babies with cleft palates and other major birth defects that are born in third world countries. I can't remember how your blog came up on one of my google searches, but I know that my family and I (missionaries in Guatemala) had just received two cleft lip boys and were struggling with the demands. So many of your blogs have been understood and used to encourage us through our ministry as we take these children in as if they are our own until they are healthy enough to return to their own families. Each time I read your updates, I am reminded of the soverignty of God and the fact that He has a great plan for Jordan's life and others that are like her. She is so blessed to have you as her mother and to be showered with love. Keep pressing on through the good times and the bad. Patient for God's timing and obedient to his call. These milestones are bittersweet. The fact that you understand and are compassionate towards other mothers is enough.

Swimwife said...

Jen, I am I was reading your blog I looked to the side and saw the picture of Jordan as an! What a miracle the Lord has done in her heart. As your friend I am always so encouraged to hear your perspective on events such as this. You and Jordan have taught me so much. I will always remember the day you called me to tell me your baby was a girl, but their were problems..I will always remember the day of her birth and seeing her for the first time. And I will always remember that, although there have been rough days, your consistent strength and trust in God's Soveriegnty is an amazing testimony to me. Then as I clicked to leave a comment my heart was touched again that without you even knowing you have encouraged a family half a world away. Praise the Lord!!
Love you

Jennifer Gray said...

Adrienne - I will post a thread on your comment but first I wanted to write a note on here to get you to email me. I'd love to email each other. I am so curious what organization you work with and the details. We've worked with Smile Train in the past and I'd love to do something in the
Email me sister! :) Thanks for the post. :) :)