I only have a few minutes so I'll make it short but I wanted to post on something that I've been thinking so much about lately.
About a month ago Jordan took her first steps and now for about one week she's really been walking and not crawling very much at all. I think we can officially say she's a walker now, one month before she turns two. When she first started walking at therapy I was excited and relieved but for some reason I felt a bit sad too. It was so weird that I didn't even mention it. Yesterday we went to therapy and saw Jordan's little friend Ashley come in (her mom is the one who sold us the amazing jogging stroller at exactly the price I prayed for). Ashley will not walk in this lifetime and even has a hard time holding her head up. There have been many days where we've struggled together getting the girls to motivate each other to move with their devices (Jordan's various bars and walkers and Ashley's special high tech walker that enables her to be upright). When Ashley's mom brought her in yesterday in her stroller and Jordan walked right up to her it hit me. I realized exactly why Jordan's walking was bittersweet for me. I could hardly look Ashley's mom in the eyes I felt so sad and almost guilty that Jordan is walking now and Ashley is not. Her mom was so genuinely excited to see Jordan walking around but I couldn't help but feel bad.
I know that in the past there has been a tiny occasional twinge of sadness as I've watched my friends babies half Jordan's age surpass her so quickly and effortlessly (particularly when we weren't sure if or when development would take place) so I feel like I can understand a fraction of what the moms at therapy feel when child after child takes off walking and they are once again faced with the realization and the reminder that their child's life will be different.
Simply put this all falls under the umbrella of discontentment (if that's a word). God has a different plan for each and every one of us - a perfect plan for His purposes and anytime we look around us and compare it's sinful. God has handpicked each situation for us and has given us every single tool necessary yet we continue to look around and want something different.
From now on as Jordan meets more and more milestones I will thank God for His provision and only look around me in order to find someone else to encourage and to pray for. I will turn my bittersweet moments of Jordan's progress into opportunities to pray more fervently for the parents whose lives will be different and more challenging than my own.