Yay! I'm SO beyond thankful to be writing that Jordan's surgery is back on with Dr. Oppenheim from UCLA!
As I mentioned in the last post I committed to praying faithfully before every single phone call - even before answering the phone. I mentioned in my post that as I was praying for God's timing in making the call to our case manager (insurance) and in the middle of my prayer she called me. Well more than 24 hours had gone by and I hadn't heard from her after pleading my case. I was in the back of a Suburban with seven women heading up to our Women's Retreat through our church so I didn't know how I was going to call her to follow up. I began to pray. We ended up needing to wait at one girls house for about 15 minutes so I kept praying that I would call at the right time and that my heart would be content whatever her response. I was praying and stepping out of the car when the phone rang and it was her calling me - again! God is faithful.
Vivienne, the case manager, said that she talked to the past director who has always approved our out of network stuff and who knows the history. Apparently it was a case of having a new case manager and a new medical director who didn't know the circumstances involved in our out of network doctors. I assumed that was the case but still, honestly believed that I was going to have to go through the months long appeal process - possibly compromising Jordan's care (the timing) in the process.
Through this I've grown yet again in my trust in the Lord and His provision for my life. This past week was an eye opener for me in that my first instinct was to freak out. Mentally I went so quickly back to the first six months of Jordan's life when I was fighting tooth and nail for her care. I didn't see how I could do it again. My disappointment was HUGE. My fear for her care was also evident. Lame! Simply put it was a lack of trust in God and His hand on our lives. I love that when we stop living for ourselves and begin living a life for God, putting full faith in what He has for us it doesn't stop there. I continue to have these layers of sin that get worked on one by one. I continue to learn to trust more and more in God's sovereignty. When I became a Christian I became justified (Dictionary.com's definition: "Also called justification by faith. Theology. the act of God whereby humankind is made or accounted just, or free from guilt or penalty of sin.")
I was forgiven of my sins through Christ as the sacrifice. However I am now in the process of sanctification which is where the peeling of the layers of sin comes in. (Dictionary.com's definition of sanctification: 1. to make holy; set apart as sacred; consecrate. 2. to purify or free from sin: Sanctify your hearts. 3. to impart religious sanction to; render legitimate or binding: to sanctify a vow). In this sanctification there is a gradual taking off of sinful patterns and a putting on of godly attributes, actions, thoughts, etc. Those of you who know me can honestly call me a sinner, plain and simple and very obvious. :) However, I would hope that you cannot look at my life 5 or 10 years ago and say that I am still the same with no progress. That my friends and family is sanctification by God's grace through spiritual discipline.
All that to say that after last week I've grown in my trust in God, my response to disappointment and my reliance on prayer. This is not to say that I will never struggle in these areas again but I am farther along in my trust in God than I was a week ago. It reminds me of a well-known verse Romans 8:28 "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." God always works things out for our good and His glory if we have a relationship with him.
I can't go wrong so why fret so much! It's never as bad as it might seem. :)
This is all good to know as I head into the weeks leading up to another surgery. After the last surgery (the last big one where we spent a week in ICU and I thought we lost her) I know for sure that I will be prayed up and will have scripture with me once again to remind to trust in God because WHATEVER He has for me is best.
The new surgery date is October 30th.
I will keep you posted as we get closer.
Thanks for praying! :)